It's about two weeks into summer vacation, and I've averaged about 5 hours of sleep each night.
Each night, I delay sleeping until I'm nice and exhausted. I trudge upstairs, turn off the lights, settle into bed in comfy pajamas, close my eyes, lie there.
Lie there.
Think.
Toss and turn.
Lie there.
I think about my day. About what I'll do tomorrow. About what my life will by like in university (45 days left until the move out). About who I will be, what I'll try to change, how scary and stressful and fun it'll be.
Like an endless pattering of rain, thoughts keep me awake.
I end up dozing off around 3:00 am most nights, and I wake up abruptly around 7:00 am or 8:00 after a bunch of muddled, choppy dreams. Last night featured a couple dreams. In the first, I was playing piano (which I haven't actually done in months), sight reading through some song in my Gr. 10 book, when my parents pass by talking about packing. I realize I have one day left to pack and freak out, because I also have plans to hang out with friends. Dream the second featured my friends coming together to tell me that they were coming to Massachusetts too, to help me settle in.
Conclusions? I have serious packing anxiety (this is the third or fourth packing-related dream). And I miss my friends.
All my life I've not been overly anxious, but definitely a wallower. I think, and I think, and I think about trivial things and future things and past things endlessly if I have the time. It's never been a great trait, and most of my hobbies developed to cope with that (knitting and sewing and cooking and studying and other things to block out my incessantly chattering brain). Recently it's led a lot more to anxiety, I suppose since I'm at the cusp of the largest event of my adolescent life, the border between high school and college, life at home and life on campus.
And my anxieties keep piling higher. As much as I'm excited to commence a new life in Cambridge, I know the life I've painstakingly built here will suffer as a result. Moreoever, the expectations, the standards, are higher than ever. My parents, once fairly cut off from the extended family, has gotten back in touch recently, and I know it's out of pride for their Harvard daughter.
But then today, I went to Chapters, and I read part of Marina Keegan's book, The Opposite of Loneliness.
A couple of months ago, an article popped up in my Facebook feed about Marina Keegan. A recent graduate of Yale, had an internship at The New York Times and a job set up for her after her graduation, who believed firmly in pursuing one's passions, and who had been killed in a car crash. It was hard to read.
Today, I stumbled upon the post-humously published collection of her writing, fiction and non-fiction,
including the essay from which the book took it's title:
http://yaledailynews.com/crosscampus/2012/05/27/keegan-the-opposite-of-loneliness/
I read half of the book right there in the store. And though I may be anxious still, Keegan's writings reaffirmed something for me: anxiety might be there, the looming of the future might always intimidate me, but life, and the world, remain beautiful.
But are ultimately, short-lived.
So I'm not sure where this blog post was supposed to go. It doesn't have a set destination, like a lot of things don't.
I think I'll take a nap now.
-cookielime
Sunday, 29 June 2014
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Jam and Ice Cream
Here's the part about jam.
Yesterday I went to my first-ever "jam session," and I must say it is a very fulfilling experience. I spend much of my time trying to find background tracks or trying to arrange my own backup band. The first is almost always impossible if you want to play anything other than a twelve-bar blues, and the second is quite difficult considering I know almost nothing about jazz piano. Or jazz bass. Or jazz drums.
So it's pretty amazing to stand in a room with some great musicians and just be able to say "Hey, why don't we play this?" And then you give them chords and all of a sudden you're playing it.
Jam sessions also give you motivation to work on your instrument. I found that in jazz band, I was challenged so infrequently that I hardly ever practiced. After a couple of tries I could play almost everything I needed to. So why practice? But with a jam session, you have no idea what you'll end up playing. The prospect of future jam sessions encourages you to further your own capabilities, and that's why after finishing this blog post, I intend to go practice trombone, something I haven't done for about a year (despite being in two bands and an orchestra for the past ten months.)
Here's the part about ice cream.
Sometimes, everything just goes wrong. When that happens, ice cream makes things better. If that doesn't happen, you're not eating enough ice cream.
I'm not going to launch into a rant about what, exactly, went wrong. I'll summarize it briefly: because the course registration date for my post-secondary institution was completely unaffected by my grades, I wound up with a very late registration date, and as such I was essentially able to register for none of the courses I wanted to take.
After a little bit of ranting and some internal finger-pointing, I calmed down, did what I could to alleviate the situation, got on the waitlist for everything available, and ate some ice cream.
I suppose what's hard about life is that you don't know what you don't know, and no one ever tells you. Probably because they think you know that you don't know it. I find myself now in a situation that I could have prevented. Naturally, I didn't find out that I could have prevented it until it was too late.
Ask questions. You never know what you don't know.
Given that I just ate an ice cream bar, practicing trombone is probably not a great idea right now.
That much, I know.
~TheSequenceKitten
Yesterday I went to my first-ever "jam session," and I must say it is a very fulfilling experience. I spend much of my time trying to find background tracks or trying to arrange my own backup band. The first is almost always impossible if you want to play anything other than a twelve-bar blues, and the second is quite difficult considering I know almost nothing about jazz piano. Or jazz bass. Or jazz drums.
So it's pretty amazing to stand in a room with some great musicians and just be able to say "Hey, why don't we play this?" And then you give them chords and all of a sudden you're playing it.
Jam sessions also give you motivation to work on your instrument. I found that in jazz band, I was challenged so infrequently that I hardly ever practiced. After a couple of tries I could play almost everything I needed to. So why practice? But with a jam session, you have no idea what you'll end up playing. The prospect of future jam sessions encourages you to further your own capabilities, and that's why after finishing this blog post, I intend to go practice trombone, something I haven't done for about a year (despite being in two bands and an orchestra for the past ten months.)
Here's the part about ice cream.
Sometimes, everything just goes wrong. When that happens, ice cream makes things better. If that doesn't happen, you're not eating enough ice cream.
I'm not going to launch into a rant about what, exactly, went wrong. I'll summarize it briefly: because the course registration date for my post-secondary institution was completely unaffected by my grades, I wound up with a very late registration date, and as such I was essentially able to register for none of the courses I wanted to take.
After a little bit of ranting and some internal finger-pointing, I calmed down, did what I could to alleviate the situation, got on the waitlist for everything available, and ate some ice cream.
I suppose what's hard about life is that you don't know what you don't know, and no one ever tells you. Probably because they think you know that you don't know it. I find myself now in a situation that I could have prevented. Naturally, I didn't find out that I could have prevented it until it was too late.
Ask questions. You never know what you don't know.
Given that I just ate an ice cream bar, practicing trombone is probably not a great idea right now.
That much, I know.
~TheSequenceKitten
Wednesday, 25 June 2014
Growing Up Makes Friends a Heart-Wrenching Sitcom
...is a statement I never thought I would type. (It's also spoonerism-free).
Wart-Hrenching?
Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night, or technically, early this morning, and ended up watching Friends at 1:00 am or so. They were the episodes following Ross and Emily's botched wedding, wherein Ross says Rachel's name instead of Emily's during his vows. Rachel, meanwhile, is going nuts wanting to tell Ross she still loves him.
At some point, Monica tries to dissuade Rachel from telling Ross her true feelings, saying "Do you know how painful it is to tell someone you love them and not have them say it back?"
To which Rachel replies, "I know. And I don't care."
So of course they play the confession fairly comedically, but earnestly, and the gang then gets wrapped up in other affairs as Phoebe's water breaks and they run off to the hospital.
But back to the wart-hrenching part.
Friends is an awesome show. It's hilarious, and manages to create complex characters with genuinely gripping interactions. And it used to just be pure entertainment for me... until the struggles of the characters started reflecting my own just a little too much.
Maybe it's the recent high school graduation talking, the looming fears of independence and adulthood, or a recent unrequited love induced heartbreak, but Friends is becoming a scarier and scarier sitcom.
...Maybe I should stick to counting sheep when I can't sleep.
-cookielime
P.S. To the SequenceKitten:
As an otaku, I feel obliged to recommend the OSTs of the following fantastic animes:
The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (it's orchestral!)
Wolf Children
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Wart-Hrenching?
Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night, or technically, early this morning, and ended up watching Friends at 1:00 am or so. They were the episodes following Ross and Emily's botched wedding, wherein Ross says Rachel's name instead of Emily's during his vows. Rachel, meanwhile, is going nuts wanting to tell Ross she still loves him.
At some point, Monica tries to dissuade Rachel from telling Ross her true feelings, saying "Do you know how painful it is to tell someone you love them and not have them say it back?"
To which Rachel replies, "I know. And I don't care."
So of course they play the confession fairly comedically, but earnestly, and the gang then gets wrapped up in other affairs as Phoebe's water breaks and they run off to the hospital.
But back to the wart-hrenching part.
Friends is an awesome show. It's hilarious, and manages to create complex characters with genuinely gripping interactions. And it used to just be pure entertainment for me... until the struggles of the characters started reflecting my own just a little too much.
Maybe it's the recent high school graduation talking, the looming fears of independence and adulthood, or a recent unrequited love induced heartbreak, but Friends is becoming a scarier and scarier sitcom.
...Maybe I should stick to counting sheep when I can't sleep.
-cookielime
P.S. To the SequenceKitten:
As an otaku, I feel obliged to recommend the OSTs of the following fantastic animes:
The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (it's orchestral!)
Wolf Children
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Sunday, 22 June 2014
OST OTL
The title of this blog post is not a spoonerism. Although now that I think about it, it could be.
For the record:
"OST" is an abbreviation for "original soundtrack."
OTL is an emoticon, of sorts, which represents a stickman kneeling down, whether in sorrow, apology, or reverence.
You've probably seen or heard dozens of speeches on how instrumental (excuse the pun) music is to movies: how it creates an atmosphere, tugs at your heartstrings... I'm not here to reiterate those points. But I will be discussing the (original) soundtracks of several movies, mostly to fanboy over them rather than talk about how the composer uses certain chords to invoke certain emotions.
I happen to quite like movie music. The most played song on my iTunes is "The Avengers," from the film score for the movie of the same name. If you have two minutes to spare, I highly recommend listening to it! If you don't have two minutes to spare, I wonder why you're reading Flick in the Liver. But of course, what you do with your time is your decision.
But Marvel's The Avengers came out over two years ago, and new movies have emerged since, each with their own epic soundtracks. Recently I've been listening to the soundtrack of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, particularly the track "Taking A Stand." And yes, I am aware that slower music can be equally epic; I've taken a liking to "The Smithsonian" from the same soundtrack. (A third recommendation goes out to "Lemurian Star." I've always thought this blog needed more instances of the word "lemur.")
To be honest, when I began writing this blog post, I hadn't intended it to be a medium through which I blatantly pitched all of my favourite Captain America tracks, so I suppose I ought to get on with the rest of the post.
Inspired by tracks like the ones I've listed, I decided to search Google for tips on how to write orchestral music on a similarly-epic level. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting to find, but I stumbled* upon George Strezov's guide to "Producing an Epic Orchestral Track," and I read through it. It's a very interesting and helpful guide, and for anyone who, like me, aspires to create something musical one day, I highly suggest taking a look through it!
*it was literally the first Google search result
Anyways, I've begun work on my own original orchestral track, a project the likes of which I have never before undertaken. Announcing that, I believe, was the initial intent of this blog post. But I hope you've enjoyed some of the music, and the one very helpful guide, along the way.
If you have your own opinions on movie music, feel free to... comment?
I actually have no idea if the infrastructure for such a system exists. I probably should know this, considering it's (partly) my blog.
Go listen to some nice music while I figure that out.
~TheSequenceKitten
Postscript:
(A few more recommendations!
Project Insight, from Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Earth to Asgard, from Thor
Captain America March, from Captain America: The First Avenger
I am aware that music exists outside of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but I haven't gotten around to obsessing over those other movies' soundtracks just yet.)
For the record:
"OST" is an abbreviation for "original soundtrack."
OTL is an emoticon, of sorts, which represents a stickman kneeling down, whether in sorrow, apology, or reverence.
You've probably seen or heard dozens of speeches on how instrumental (excuse the pun) music is to movies: how it creates an atmosphere, tugs at your heartstrings... I'm not here to reiterate those points. But I will be discussing the (original) soundtracks of several movies, mostly to fanboy over them rather than talk about how the composer uses certain chords to invoke certain emotions.
I happen to quite like movie music. The most played song on my iTunes is "The Avengers," from the film score for the movie of the same name. If you have two minutes to spare, I highly recommend listening to it! If you don't have two minutes to spare, I wonder why you're reading Flick in the Liver. But of course, what you do with your time is your decision.
But Marvel's The Avengers came out over two years ago, and new movies have emerged since, each with their own epic soundtracks. Recently I've been listening to the soundtrack of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, particularly the track "Taking A Stand." And yes, I am aware that slower music can be equally epic; I've taken a liking to "The Smithsonian" from the same soundtrack. (A third recommendation goes out to "Lemurian Star." I've always thought this blog needed more instances of the word "lemur.")
To be honest, when I began writing this blog post, I hadn't intended it to be a medium through which I blatantly pitched all of my favourite Captain America tracks, so I suppose I ought to get on with the rest of the post.
Inspired by tracks like the ones I've listed, I decided to search Google for tips on how to write orchestral music on a similarly-epic level. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting to find, but I stumbled* upon George Strezov's guide to "Producing an Epic Orchestral Track," and I read through it. It's a very interesting and helpful guide, and for anyone who, like me, aspires to create something musical one day, I highly suggest taking a look through it!
*it was literally the first Google search result
Anyways, I've begun work on my own original orchestral track, a project the likes of which I have never before undertaken. Announcing that, I believe, was the initial intent of this blog post. But I hope you've enjoyed some of the music, and the one very helpful guide, along the way.
If you have your own opinions on movie music, feel free to... comment?
I actually have no idea if the infrastructure for such a system exists. I probably should know this, considering it's (partly) my blog.
Go listen to some nice music while I figure that out.
~TheSequenceKitten
Postscript:
(A few more recommendations!
Project Insight, from Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Earth to Asgard, from Thor
Captain America March, from Captain America: The First Avenger
I am aware that music exists outside of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but I haven't gotten around to obsessing over those other movies' soundtracks just yet.)
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
Blidnight Mogging
Actually it's past midnight. It's 2:24 am.
Earlier today, well, yesterday, a guy a year younger than I inquired as to whether or not I had any tips on university applications. I told him the simplest, and truest things I had learnt this year about applications, after a lot of inquiry and self-reflection, and was given the following response:
"That's all?"
Three comments. Firstly, why on earth is anyone worrying about university applications during the first week of summer vacation? Though I admit to being a self-proclaimed nerd, I left my CommonApp frenzy until August, at least. The weather has been lousy lately though, so it's better than gaming all day and listening to raindrops.
Secondly, while I'm not making direct criticisms at that guy, there seems to be a vein of common misconceptions the pre-university bunch seem to have. A lot of their questions imply the existence of precise tricks and tips towards an acceptance to one's dream school, secret skills that signal your supremacy over others to universities, code words that let's them know you're in the know.
It's more comforting to think that way than it is to accept that all you can do is present yourself, as best as you can. At this point, as much as awards and achievements can help pad an application, grandiloquent language can smooth out an essay and glowing references can shine the limelight on you, well... to quote the last high school play of my life, Fitch and Cabbage, "a whore dressed in silk is still a whore."
Applications are scary because they force us to reflect on who we are. It's intimidating to define oneself, and it's not exactly a skill taught in school or learnt while volunteering or leading extracurriculars. Perhaps the fear is knowing that it's possible that under the silk, there is only a whore.
What would you do then?
...
Woah that got heavy.
Thirdly, never say 'that's all?' after someone gave you advice that you asked for. That's just rude.
-cookielime
Postscript:
I realize now that the advice I give on university applications basically sum up the conclusions I've made in my senior year of high school.
If you're wondering:
1) Be truthful - be faithful to the real product you're trying to sell: yourself
2) Be a person that the school will be proud of to call their alum. - pride is one of the greatest gifts one can give
3) Be earnest, but not maudlin - everyone has a story, and each is of relative importance
Earlier today, well, yesterday, a guy a year younger than I inquired as to whether or not I had any tips on university applications. I told him the simplest, and truest things I had learnt this year about applications, after a lot of inquiry and self-reflection, and was given the following response:
"That's all?"
Three comments. Firstly, why on earth is anyone worrying about university applications during the first week of summer vacation? Though I admit to being a self-proclaimed nerd, I left my CommonApp frenzy until August, at least. The weather has been lousy lately though, so it's better than gaming all day and listening to raindrops.
Secondly, while I'm not making direct criticisms at that guy, there seems to be a vein of common misconceptions the pre-university bunch seem to have. A lot of their questions imply the existence of precise tricks and tips towards an acceptance to one's dream school, secret skills that signal your supremacy over others to universities, code words that let's them know you're in the know.
It's more comforting to think that way than it is to accept that all you can do is present yourself, as best as you can. At this point, as much as awards and achievements can help pad an application, grandiloquent language can smooth out an essay and glowing references can shine the limelight on you, well... to quote the last high school play of my life, Fitch and Cabbage, "a whore dressed in silk is still a whore."
Applications are scary because they force us to reflect on who we are. It's intimidating to define oneself, and it's not exactly a skill taught in school or learnt while volunteering or leading extracurriculars. Perhaps the fear is knowing that it's possible that under the silk, there is only a whore.
What would you do then?
...
Woah that got heavy.
Thirdly, never say 'that's all?' after someone gave you advice that you asked for. That's just rude.
-cookielime
Postscript:
I realize now that the advice I give on university applications basically sum up the conclusions I've made in my senior year of high school.
If you're wondering:
1) Be truthful - be faithful to the real product you're trying to sell: yourself
2) Be a person that the school will be proud of to call their alum. - pride is one of the greatest gifts one can give
3) Be earnest, but not maudlin - everyone has a story, and each is of relative importance
Monday, 16 June 2014
A Penny for the Gold Eye
Kistah Murtz- he dead
A penny for the Gold Eye
~E. S. Teliot
My fellow blogger has already explained the origins of Flick in the Liver, and I suppose she's done a rather thorough job of it. The only thing I'd like to add is a quote by one of our mutual friends, who after hearing "we flick in the liver" quickly remarked "And that's why life is so bitter."
A penny for the Gold Eye
~E. S. Teliot
My fellow blogger has already explained the origins of Flick in the Liver, and I suppose she's done a rather thorough job of it. The only thing I'd like to add is a quote by one of our mutual friends, who after hearing "we flick in the liver" quickly remarked "And that's why life is so bitter."
I am not quite sure what to expect from this blog. In the same way, in those brief seconds between the idea of a spoonerism and its utterance, one is never quite sure what to expect from the wordplay. "Between the idea and the reality... falls the Shadow." You may get something sensible; you may get something disturbing. Play your cards wrong, and you may draw the Spate of AIDS.
Or you may get something so absurd, it's just poetic enough to be used as a blog title.
Now are those scant seconds between the idea and the reality: for both Flick in the Liver, and its two authors. As you probably guessed, I am one of those two Vancouverites of which were spoken, specifically the one remaining in this glorious city of eternal precipitation. And with our lives in a state of flux, it's things like Flick in the Liver which keep us sane in the approaching world of madness, lest we become corrupted like Mistah Kurtz.
Oh, and "Spate of AIDS" is a spoonerism for "8 of Spades (♠)", in case you didn't catch that.
Two final notes about this blog. One, I don't intend for spoonerisms to become a recurring theme, a constant metaphor around which we base our writing. I seek to avoid any such overly-long gags. Of course, if the blog does take this path, I'll be happy to play along.
Two, I'm quite fond of using "they" as a third-person, singular, gender-neutral pronoun.
Now are those scant seconds between the idea and the reality: for both Flick in the Liver, and its two authors. As you probably guessed, I am one of those two Vancouverites of which were spoken, specifically the one remaining in this glorious city of eternal precipitation. And with our lives in a state of flux, it's things like Flick in the Liver which keep us sane in the approaching world of madness, lest we become corrupted like Mistah Kurtz.
Oh, and "Spate of AIDS" is a spoonerism for "8 of Spades (♠)", in case you didn't catch that.
Two final notes about this blog. One, I don't intend for spoonerisms to become a recurring theme, a constant metaphor around which we base our writing. I seek to avoid any such overly-long gags. Of course, if the blog does take this path, I'll be happy to play along.
Two, I'm quite fond of using "they" as a third-person, singular, gender-neutral pronoun.
I hope we can still be friends.
-TheSequenceKitten
-TheSequenceKitten
Live in the Flicker
Heart of Darkness is a novella written by Polish writer Joseph Conrad, detailing the journey of Marlow, an adventurous young man setting into the heart of the Congo in the age of imperialism. Along his journey, he hears whispered rumours of Kurtz, a genius ivory trader who has seemingly gone mad and retreated into the jungle.
"We live in the flicker" (HOD) is the favourite quote of my AP English Lit. teacher. It captures the brevity of life, the momentary glory and the overall confusion of it all. Truly, it's weight in meaning is greater than can be assumed from its appearance short, five-word quotation.
"Flick in the liver," however, is what you get when you love spoonerisms. It, though less meaningful, less aphorism-tastic than its parent phrase, captures the craziness, inanity and silliness that stems from friendship and stumbling through life. Truly, it's an anthem one of the best parts of life: it doesn't have to make sense. And that's ok.
Flick in the Liver is a blog written by two Vancouverites, one of whom is remaining that way, while the other journeys into the heart of the East Coast to Massachussetts in the age of young adulthood. Along their respective journeys, the blog ties them together, captures and shares the madness of life after high school.
Let's make it good.
-cookielime
"We live in the flicker" (HOD) is the favourite quote of my AP English Lit. teacher. It captures the brevity of life, the momentary glory and the overall confusion of it all. Truly, it's weight in meaning is greater than can be assumed from its appearance short, five-word quotation.
"Flick in the liver," however, is what you get when you love spoonerisms. It, though less meaningful, less aphorism-tastic than its parent phrase, captures the craziness, inanity and silliness that stems from friendship and stumbling through life. Truly, it's an anthem one of the best parts of life: it doesn't have to make sense. And that's ok.
Flick in the Liver is a blog written by two Vancouverites, one of whom is remaining that way, while the other journeys into the heart of the East Coast to Massachussetts in the age of young adulthood. Along their respective journeys, the blog ties them together, captures and shares the madness of life after high school.
Let's make it good.
-cookielime
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