On Time, and Cycles, and the Impending Move, and

The following blog post comes to you in three parts. Ish.

1. Time:

is frustratingly crinkly during the summer. Like a piece of paper that's been balled up that you can never quite flatten properly, filled with nooks and grooves that catch everything, and long, almost smooth patches. Clocks and calendars are nice but they paint the illusion that time can be cut up into finite intervals, when in human experience it seems to undulate and change. Boredom runs rampant, and the days drag on and on and on and then next thing you know, there are barely any days left. All the forgotten plans, remembered, crowd together in the last couple of weeks and things spiral faster and faster towards the end.

But I'm glad that's how it is, rather than the other way around. It's crazy and busy and loud and memorable, but with friends, that last bit is the best.

2. Cycles:

are terrible. They imply an end that always bumps back into the beginning, only for the entire process to start again. Thinking a lot this summer, so many things people do are caught in various cycles; while some are good habits, it feels like a lot end up being unhealthy, like couples that stay in broken relationships or people that basically destroy themselves.

If people lose goals, stop trying to better themselves, things can only go downhill. Like a stagnant lake that grows septic with time. But cycles are tricky, they fool us into thinking we're progressing when in reality you're just stirring the muddy puddle. The result is the same.

I'm glad time is crinkly and not cyclical. Even if not being cyclical means an end to it all, eventually.

3. The impending move:

is soon indeed. 14 days and counting, and today's practically done. I'm excited though, the anxiety's more or less been replaced with elation at the prospect of change.

It's interesting being on the brink of a move. You suddenly gain tourist eyes, your hometown becomes the most beautiful and fascinating thing you've ever seen. You want pictures of everything, everyone. You have a sense of urgency to hang out with the people you love, and to make sure they know that you care about them.

I think that's the reason people always say to live like it's your last day alive. Sure, moving's not exactly a death sentence, but it opens your eyes the same way. And I love the feeling. Time is crinkly and this transitory time between high school and university will soon be gone, but the nooks and grooves are perfect for capturing memories.

4. And:

here's what I've learned this summer:

I've been frustrated through a lot of it. The beginning and middle were very, well, cyclical: I was stuck in a sort of limbo where I felt like I couldn't start anything new, knowing that the big move was to come. So every day just passed with me killing time.

And yet I was filled with anxiety too. As much as I found the repetitive days tedious, I was terrified of leaving them behind.

But time moves on regardless, even if it moves forward inconsistently, and we can choose to create within its frame, or chew our fingernails in anxiety, or passively let the days slip by. We can spiral forward, fruitlessly try to drag our way backwards, or stew in stagnant cycles.

It's clear now what's the only real way of living, though it's easy to forget and lose the proper perspective. Friends help.

Two weeks left now!

Bring it on, Boston.

-akacookielime